Jill sat at the table. She looked around at the hodgepodge of people at the barbeque. It was her first time meeting Neil’s family and she was nervous. She wondered what impression she would make. Would they like her? Was she pretty enough? She expressed these feelings to Neil the day before.
“Stop it,” he assured her. “They’re going to love you. I’m the worried one. Your family is pretty tame. You’ll see.”
“Whatever,” she said to him. He did make her feel better but she was still concerned.
This barbeque was a first for Neil as well. His mom and stepdad Dave had recently moved out of his childhood home and downsized. It was a quaint but modern ranch house. It had been mostly designed by Neil’s mother. She was very proud of it.
Neil’s parents had downsized after the youngest, Steve, moved out. Ironically he was living with them again but no one seemed to mind.
Jill looked at Steve. She could see the resemblance but other than their stupid guy humor she couldn’t believe they were related. Neil was nearly six and a half feet tall while Steve was five foot ten on a confident day.
To be fair, they had different fathers. Dave wasn’t Steve’s father either. Dave was their mother’s third husband. Neil and his sisters joked frequently that their mother was simply on a ten year lease plan. So far it looked like this one would last though as they rounded the fifteen year mark.
Steve’s father and Neil’s father lived up north in New York and everything seemed fine. Family photos often featured all three fathers like the plot to an early 90s comedy. Were they closer, they may have also been at the barbeque.
Neil’s sister, Silvia sat close to Jill. Silvia was good at being a buffer between newcomers and the family. She knew that once her husband, Geoff, got going along with Neil and Steve it would result in the most disgusting game of escalating jokes until someone got hurt or she yelled at Steve to “pull his pants up.”
Jill and Silvia watched exactly this happen.
“I swear it’s like they’re nine when they see each other. Neil’s over thirty now and well…Steve is Steve. But Neil should know better.”
“They’re always like that I noticed. Doesn’t matter where they are. But Neil doesn’t act like that around anyone else,” Jill said.
“You’re sure about him?” Silvia asked, only half joking.
Jill shrugged.
It was the first time Neil had been to the new house. It was nice. When they first came in his mother ran up to them and threw her arms around him.
“What took so long for you to visit? It’s only an hour drive from you.”
“I know ma. I know. Work’s just been busy. I want you to meet…”he started to say.
“This must be Jill. Oh she’s pretty Neil.” She gave Jill a hug.
“So how do you like my boy? Look how big he is. I made him in this can you believe it?” She rubbed her belly.
“Mom…”Neil groaned.
“Come in come in. I can say what I want. Let me show you around.”
Neil’s mom pulled them through the door and went room by room.
“It’s nice mom,” said Neil.
“It’s very nice Mrs. Mergy,” Jill said.
“Oh call me Deb. Do you guys want a beer? Make yourselves at home. Pools in the back, bathroom is right over there. Of course the guys will probably go in the pool,” she rolled her eyes.
“I’d love a beer,” said Jill.
“Oh good.”
Neil’s mom grabbed him by the arm. She looked pleased with herself. “Have you noticed anything else?” she asked. She tilted forward and shook her shoulders back and forth slightly?
Neil appeared perplexed, “New hair?”
“No dingbat! I got my boobs done. I was always jealous of my sisters’ big boobs and now I got some.”
Silvia laughed, “Jese mom.”
“What? I’m proud of these puppies. Dave likes them anyway.”
“What’s that honey?” said a thick country voice from just outside the kitchen window.
“Nothing Dave. I was just saying how you liked my new boobs,” she yelled out the window.
“Yeah!” said Dave.
“Let me go introduce you to Dave,” said Neil. He grabbed Jill by the hand and smiled at Silvia.
They went outside onto the patio. The grill area was surrounded by beautiful flowers, shrubs and a few large and familiar plants that Jill had not seen in real life before.
“What are those?” she asked.
“Oh those? That’s that whacky tabbaccy,” said Neil casually.
“Really? But you don’t,” said Jill.
“Nope, and neither does my sister. But they do. I mean I did when I was like a teen. But mom never did that stuff back then.
When Dave came along he really loosened her up in regards to this stuff. It doesn’t bother you does it?”
“No I just wasn’t expecting it. They’re so big,” said Jill.
“Yeah they are. I got a guy who gave us some primo shit. He’s got a whole field of this shit out Alta Vista way.” Dave said as they approached.
He spoke quickly in a country accent that had no specific location attached to it. “You been out that way with me I think Neil right? Went out to Alta Vista I think.”
Neil reached out to grab Dave’s hand. Dave put his cigarette in his mouth and pulled Neil in for a hug.
“Dave this is Jill. Jill, this is Dave.”
Jill shook his hand.
“Pleased to meet you Jill. He trick you into comin here?” he laughed.
“Likewise. I guess so,” she said.
“Yeah I did a job with you out there. I want to say it was a garbage burner?” said Neil.
“Probably a shit burner actually.”
“Shit burner,” asked Jill?
“Yeah place to burn shit,” said Dave.
“He literally means shit hon. There are these massive incinerators for tons of different purposes. Water treatment plants are one of them. They burn shit in them. You end up covered in orange powder. Anywho Dave builds and repairs industrial kilns like that.”
“Orange poo poo powder,” Dave repeated with a chuckle.
“Gross, and interesting,” said Jill.
“Lots of travel, lots of overtime. It’s good money but you bust ass,” Dave said.
“Work hard or work smart he always told me,” said Neil.
“Sound advice.”
“You ever work with ole Otis Skruggs?”
“Sure.”
“Well he knows the guy out there. Killer weed man. He’s makin Jamaica in Appalachia or somethin.” Dave said. “That’s where I got these plants from when they were tiny. It’s pretty good too. You guys wanna take some?”
“No thanks, thanks though,” said Neil.
“Suit yourselves.” Dave shrugged. “You know what though. You’ll like this Neil. Go reach in the cooler over there and grab that mason jar in there.”
Neil reached into the cooler and pulled out large ice cold mason jar with a slightly yellow brown fluid in it. It was made that color by a cinnamon stick floating in the mix.
“Apple jack?” asked Neil undoing the jar lid.
“Yup.”
Neil sniffed the fluid and recoiled. He took a deep breath and then took a sip.
“Woof. It’s smooth but it’s strong,” he said. He passed the jar to Jill.
She sniffed it and took a small sip. Her eyes watered and the back of her throat burned as the sip found its way down her throat.
Jill exhaled deeply, “Phew, what was that?”
Dave laughed, “That’s that South Carolina shine. Neil you remember Ant and Big Mike? They brought it down from Bobby Gibbons for me. Good stuff. He has a whole setup in his shed out there in the woods.”
Jill handed the jar back to Neil who put it away.
“If you want more help yourselves,” Dave said.
“We’ll go blind if we have any more and one of use has to drive home, “Neil chuckled.
“Well then one of you can,” he smiled.
They wandered to the into the garden. Neil’s mother really had a green thumb. The garden beds were immaculately manicured.
“It’s what she’s always liked to do,” explained Neil.
“It’s beautiful,” said Jill looking at the variety of plants.
Jill grabbed Neil’s hand. “So Dave’s an interesting sort. It took a lot to adjust to that accent.”
“Yeah it does. The first time I worked with Dave was the first time I met him. I went down in a big trash incinerator and they were sandblasting everywhere and we were both wearing full facemasks with ventilators and he’s trying to tell me what to do since I’d never done it before.”
“Trial by fire,” she said.
“Exactly.”
“He’s definitely a character though. Cut from different rug,” she said.
“For sure. Very easy going. A professional scoundrel in the best sense. But will give you the shirt off his back.”
“Can we talk for a second about your mom and the boob job?” Jill asked with a big grin.
Neil laughed, “There’s not much to say. I’d rather not. I did warn you.”
“There really isn’t a proper warning.”
“You hate it?” he asked
“It’s great. Certainly never boring.”
“Maybe. We’ll see,” he smiled.
Jill kissed Neil on the cheek.
“Dinner!” they heard Neil’s mom yell from the back window.
The spread was delicious. There was potato salad, macaroni salad, beans, ribs, burgers, hot dogs, grilled veggies, sausage and peppers, and fruit salad.
“It looks wonderful,” said Jill as she was filling up her plate.
“Isn’t Dave gonna eat?” asked Silvia.
“He’s doing another set of wings.”
There was an entirely different table with several plates of chicken wings.
“More?” asked Silvia.
“There are so many. It’s a mountain of wings,” said Neil as he ate one. “But they’re really good.”
“We just have so many of them.” said Neil’s mom.
She opened the freezer drawer in the kitchen and pulled out several industrial sized plastic bags filled with chicken wings.
“Where the hell did you get those?” asked Neil.
“We got a deal. Dave knows a guy.” she answered.
“Of course he does,” said Silvia.
They all went home with leftovers.
