At the age of six, Stephen knew exactly what he wanted to do with his life. Rarely does someone have such clarity. But after reading an ad written by Ogilvy, he knew that he wanted to become a brand manager. He studied economics, marketing, accounting, and a plethora of creative arts so that he could create the perfect storm of sales.
He succeeded.
And as the living embodiment of success, he became a brand manager in retail for a brand of widgets by WidgetCo Inc, well known in the US markets (and Canada and the UK…and oddly enough, Kazakhstan?)
Waking up early, training himself, mind, body, and soul, he was the perfect selling machine. His widgets filled brick and mortar stores and he entered a golden age of growth.
He was married to his high school sweetheart. Had two sons, two daughters, a golden retriever, and a cat. Life was amazing. He was at his zenith and he could desire no more. But then…
Disaster.
Economic downturn.
Pandemic pandemonium.
Online sales closing retail left and right.
Sales were hard to come by.
Amazon was a new world where his old tactics no longer stood the test of time.
And Stephen began taking medication for his new erectile dysfunction.
Stephen began drinking heavily, often found crying in his office late at night, sobbing, “my brand…”
His wife, Briana, left him for a younger, hotter digital marketing B2B specialist named Chad in the SaaS space. She remarried only seven months later.
Stephen’s children started calling Chad “Dad” and called Stephen “loser.”
He lost his home.
But for some reason, not his job.
Every day he toiled from the public library still taking zoom meetings.
The librarians shushed him.
His boss and long-term friend and CEO Jack Jackelsby, founder of WidgetCo and godfather to all four of Stephen’s children pleaded with him, “You know I love you Stephen. We go back so far. But you need to get it together and we need to figure out how to improve sales for our brand. We’re clueless online. And I don’t want to see you go further into your despair.”
He despaired further. Lost himself in a bottle. What would six-year-old Stephen say now? He was barely a brand manager anymore.
Then it happened…
While Stephen was looking at pictures of Briana’s new family on Instagram he saw an ad where there were funny quips and jingly jangly pop music, happy, uplifting (but non-descript or specific because real songs cost real money). That company was Conglomo Corp Agency
The company showed figures of return-on-investment for digital management services online.
Stephen was wowed at the insistence that their people were data-driven and “best-in-class”. Apparently they even implemented strategic strategy comprehensively.
He clicked.
And within a few weeks he clicked again and again because he was being retargeted.
He followed their every insight online.
He went to their website, and read their case studies (JUST LIKE THIS ONE).
He felt emotionally invested.
He booked a meeting, believing fully that investing in this company would provide the growth his brand needed in a remarkable and efficient way that basically paid for itself in short order. It was a no-brainer.
Conglomo Corp went to work. Implementing best practices. Optimizing, analyzing, analyoptimizationalization…ALL OF IT. They also wrote several sonnets and short poems to help Stephen build back up his confidence.
And within a month onboarding and transformation had begun.
Within a quarter, the investment paid for itself and WidgetCo Inc was back on top, dominating Amazon, Shopify, Walmart, and Target online.
18000% growth.
Increased gross margin.
Fast profitable scalable growth.
GROWTH!
And Briana, realizing the error of her ways, left Chad, and came back to Stephen, and fell at his feet. He would be the top Brand Manager once again. The aches in his body stopped, and he was able to stop using his little blue pills, with the power of commerce running through him. His children revered him once again.
The townspeople built a statue in the main square, gave him the key to the city, and the biopsy that he had recently had done at his last checkup came back BENIGN.
Jack Jackelsby retired, happy and wealthy, and appointed Stephen as CEO.
Well done Conglomo Corp Agency. Another ideal client profile given back meaning and addressing their main pain points. Namely erectile dysfunction and profitable sales.
