Site icon Matt Durante

Cauliflower Fever

Last Saturday I got the opportunity to visit with the Royersons in Saratoga, New York. They’re among some of the most pre-eminent members of a new emerging lifestyle choice.

Steven Royerson, was skeptical last year on the eve of his 30th birthday.

“Melissa, my wife, well, girlfriend at the time, had just purchased a cauliflower-crusted pizza from Trader Joe’s. I, a recent vegetarian was pleased although puzzled as to why I would want to replace the bread.”

It’s at this time Melissa Royerson joined the conversation. “I explained to Steve that it was vegetarian.”

“So is bread, I answered her. Boy oh boy, was I about to have my mind blown,” Steve added.

That’s when it really started. Steven ate the pizza and knew that something was going to be different from that day forward. He began replacing all the bread in his diet with cauliflower substitutes. 

“I just loved it. Not because it tasted better, but because you could do it. And believe me, I was skeptical, I had tried spaghetti squash in place of real spaghetti once so I was no stranger to getting out there on the edge.”

“Is there any dietary benefit?” I asked.

“You definitely save a few calories, if the food has fewer calories in it,” Steven replied.

Eventually, Steven and Melissa cut out other foods from their diet as well. First, it was broccoli (the one that looks like cauliflower, but green), then it was other things.

“If you could substitute cauliflower for bread just because you could do it, we thought, what else could you replace?” Melissa asked.

The answer: everything. 

“We’ve taken cauliflower flour and been able to mold it into just about every shape imaginable.”

Sitting in front of me on the table is a white tray with a dome cover. Melissa reaches over and reveals to me what appears to be a hamburger, but pale beige.

“Try it.” Melissa pushes the tray toward me.

I pick up the sandwich, it’s not holding together as well as a normal burger, but it does in fact resemble one. I bite in.

“Ah yes, I see. It’s all cauliflower,” I exclaim.

The Royersons smile at me as I chew.

“Do you like it?” Melissa asks.

“It’s not very good, no, but I can eat it.”

“Exactly!” says Steven. The Royersons look at each other in delight and squeeze each other’s hands.

It’s at this point that Steven points to the wall, “We moved into this house two months ago.”

I stand up and touch the white wall, “Wait a second. Is this?”

Melissa starts to cry tears of joy, “it is!”

“Is this whole place?” I’m filled with wonder.

“YES!” Steven claps his hands when he says this.

He explains to me that it’s all cauliflower. Cauliflower sheetrock, cauliflower doors, cauliflower furniture. I notice for the first time that there are no windows in the house.

“There are no windows though.” 

“Cauliflower isn’t clear,” said Melissa.

“This is amazing,” I said. I look at Melissa’s hand and I also note that her wedding and engagement ring are actually made from cauliflower as well.

I look around the home noting all of the things that are replaced. I’m in awe of their ingenuity.

“Do you think that this will catch on?” I asked.

Steven’s face is serious now.

“Not unless workplaces start becoming more open to this lifestyle choice. People complain about the smells from the microwave in the office.” 

“Have you considered working remotely?” I suggest.

“There’s no internet in the house. It’s made from cauliflower,” Melissa says.

And now I see the plight. These two pioneers have put it all on the line.

I make my way to the door and note the distinct odor now that I know its makeup. I can’t say whether or not cauliflower life will go further or become more widely accepted. But I can say after seeing these two brave souls, that you can do a lot of stuff with cauliflower.

Later that day I stopped by Trader Joe’s to do a little shopping. For a moment I rested my hands on the cauliflower-crusted pizza. Would it be as good as regular pizza? No definitely not, but you can do it.

I smiled, thinking of the Royersons. What cauliflower confection might they be eating for dinner tonight? I then grab another pizza, a normal one. It’s not a courageous choice, but I know myself. When cauliflower comes for you, will you answer the call?

Exit mobile version